With Deference to Shylock

I can’t understand what the Hell you are saying. Are you trying to kill me or just imprison me? I get that you have an agenda, but there is just one action you want, with no plan for what comes next. There is fire in your eyes, aggression in your voice, and your hands move like they want to strangle everyone who disagrees with you.

What makes you special?

Yes, you are different. Yes, people hate you. People hate me too.

Oh, sorry, every word from my mouth spews an inconvenience. I am not sorry that offends you. I don’t pray to the gods you demand, so I am not permitted to exist other than as a servant. I should just obey. Take my punishment for crimes I didn’t commit. Existence to you is a crime.

My kind is the cause of every woe you care to assign to us. We caused the past. We threaten your present and your future. We are human beings just like you.

Not Smelling the Rotten Meat

Pariah #1: Last night I had this dream where I left a gallon jug of waffle batter on the kitchen counter and then just put it away in the morning.  It was so real.  I even remember sniffing the batter to see if it smelled bad.  I don’t even know if it can go bad, let alone if it can go bad in one night.

Pariah #2: Huh, yeah, interesting.

Pariah #1: I love the dreams that you can smell.  They are so crisp.  Actually smelling dinner or flowers or the crotch of the women you’re having sex with…that's vivid…that's inspiration.

Pariah #2: Have you ever noticed that people really don’t like us?

Pariah #1: Us?  No! Everyone digs us!

Mars and Other Odd Occurrences

BLOB #1: I hate going to dinner the same place every week.

BLOB #2: I hate taking you to dinner…

BLOB #1: Where did we park the car?

BLOB #2: You can drive?

BLOB #1: No, but the human you ate for dinner might still be able to drive.

BLOB #2: Good point!  Pardon the gas as I cough him up.

MAN: Ahahahahahah, what the fuck is happening????

BLOB #1: Damn it, humans are so incredibly ugly.

BLOB #2: Preaching to choir, preaching to the choir.

BLOB #1: One of these days, we are going to run out of them to consume, what are we going to do then?

BLOB #2: Who cares, by that point, we'll have died.


A Desire For Something

#1: So, there’s this thing I want to do.

#2: Yes, I know.

#1: Do you?

#2: Yes, I’ve known what you want to do for years now.

#1: How could you have known?  I didn’t tell anyone.

#2: There are some things you don’t have to say out loud.

#1: I’m not that transparent.

#2: Yes you are and it is both cute and ugly.  All the blood and guts showing, nothing you want to see while eating breakfast.

#1: So you do indeed know what I want to do.

#2: I wasn’t lying.

#1: Which is a first.

#2: Careful, if you want to have breakfast with me, you better be nice.

#1: I’ll worry about breakfast later..you know…in the morning.