The Richard Mullen Show: Transcript #497

This is a rush transcript of Episode #497 of the Richard Mullen Show.  Today’s guest was Gregor Philpotter, author of My 21 Years Living in a Cave.

RICHARD:  Can a man know himself well enough to spend 21 years living alone?  Is human contact over-rated?  Is Masturbation really enough? My guest today can answer those questions and much more.  Please welcome Gregor Philpotter to the Richard Mullen Show.

GREGOR: Thank you, Mr. Mullen.

RICHARD: Tell me, do you still live alone?

GREGOR: Actually, no, I no longer live alone, I found the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with and am very happy.

RICHARD: Great!  How long have you been out of the cave? 

GREGOR: Well, Sharon and I moved in together nearly two years ago, and were just married three months ago.

RICHARD: Congratulations! That is wonderful!  I’m perplexed, however, how were you able to meet her?

GREGOR: Well, I’m happy to say that we met using an online dating service.

RICHARD: I am profoundly surprised, but also impressed.  I didn’t realize how advanced your cave was.

GREGOR: I lived like anyone else did, I had the internet and television.

RICHARD: That must have been expense to set up.

GREGOR: Not really, it was the standard cost, noting special

RICHARD: Wow, you must have gotten long term deals.  Anyway, tell me about the dampness.  How did you deal with that?

GREGOR: In the summers it could get a little humid, but I wouldn’t feel a thing, I used my central air all the time.

RICHARD: A/C?  Seriously?  I’m thinking the electrical set up must have been a nightmare alone, but duct-work too?

GREGOR: Yeah, it was all pretty standard.

RICHARD: Haha..for a cave.  That’s a good one.  Seriously, are you secretly wealthy?  Or was this really more of an old  bomb shelter you grandfather built in the early 1960’s?

GREGOR: It was actually a rehabbed 19th Century structure.

RICHARD: How did you manage to never leave?

GREGOR: Well my “cave” as it were, left me no choice.  I had locked myself in.

RICHARD: How did you eat?  Did you have stockpiles of food?

GREGOR: What?

RICHARD: Did you have stockpiles of food in your cave?  This is why I brought up the bomb shelter idea, it was the only way I saw this as possible.

GREGOR: Wait a second, you think I lived in an actual cave for 21 years?

RICHARD: Ah, yes, Gregor, that’s what your book is about…

GREGOR: No, actually, it isn’t.

RICHARD: Ok, it about more than just living in a cave for 21 years, it is about how you coped with living in a cave for 21 years.

GREGOR: Have you read my book?

RICHARD: Oh, of course I did….

GREGOR: Really?

RICHARD: Ok, I’m sorry, I lied.  I try to read as much of any book a guest has written as I can.  This time I just did not have time.  I played in a celebrity Tennis Tournament last night and just didn’t have the time.

GREGOR: I see…

RICHARD: So I read the synopsis my assistant wrote for me.

GREGOR: Well, I don’t think your assistant read the book either if he/she thinks after reading the book I actually lived a cave for 21 years.

RICHARD: I apologize Gregor, on behalf of myself and my entire staff.  We are not perfect and can make mistakes.

GREGOR: I understand.  I just thought someone would have read the press kit my publisher sent along.  It has a three sentence description of the book which makes it clear what the book is about.

RICHARD: Well, again, sorry about that.  Guess we all had too much to drink after the celebrity Tennis tournament last night.  You see, I won, and I promised to take my staff out drinking if I won.  I keep my promises.  I promise you now, the chance to tell us, what is the book My 21 Years Living in a Cave by Gregor Philpotter, from Southgate Publishing, about?

GREGOR: Richard, it is about my living with and then conquering my fear of intimacy. 

RICHARD: So, there was no actual cave?

GREGOR: The cave was a Metaphor.

RICHARD: Are you sure it wasn’t a simile?

GREGOR: Yes, I am sure.

RICHARD: Ok, well, we are almost out of time, so I wish to thank Gregor Philpotter author of My 21 Years Living in a Cave available now in paperback from Southgate Publishing.  Just to make everyone at home crystal clear on the topic, Gregor did not actually live in a cave.  Please ignore the links to spelunking and the Stalagmite blogs on our website next to his picture.  We apologize for any confusion.  Please join us next time.